We all get in a funk once in a while. And that is just how life is, right? Better to accept than fight it, but it sure would have been nice if Mrs. Doubtfire had taught me this in kindergarten.

Many days you can’t seem to get anything right and your life seems to be in perpetual drift mode.

You let friends tell you what is important.

You eat that big burrito at lunch to soothe your anxiety over what your boss is likely to say when you tell him that you have yet to read that (yawn, yawn) TPS report.

You fall asleep alone in front of Friends re-runs only to wake up, crawl into bed and, yes, lie there exhausted but awake for the next few hours.

Wash, rinse and repeat for the next thirty years or at least until it is your turn to really live. Pretty exhausting!

But how would you feel if your life was exactly the opposite?

You wake up every day eager to get started with the business of leading a life of joy and fulfillment.

You know people like this and you secretly catch yourself with all these ill thoughts. Yuk!

Why can’t your life be like this?

I have good and bad news for you.

BAD NEWS: There is no magic formula for leading you to a life of joy and fulfillment.

GOOD NEWS: Researchers at the University of Pennsylvania have identified 7 time-tested behaviors that you can focus on now right now to bring more joy and fulfillment into your life.

Psychologists label this framework PERMA+ and the best part of it is that everything is under your control.

It will take a bit of work of the right kind but you no longer can blame your genes or that soul-sucking job.

What science tells you to do for a life-altering payoff

#1: Behave like a well-groomed toy-dog

My dog, a Shi Tzu called Nellie Marie, has been called the happiest dog in our small community, but to be honest, she has lots of competition from other dogs in the neighborhood.

Humans have a lot to learn from these dogs — always in a good mood, wagging their tail.

Having positive emotions puts us in a good mood and according to Dr. Barbara Frederikson’s theory of “Broaden and Build” widens our range of thoughts and actions toward the better.

Positive emotions such as joy, love, and gratitude make us more receptive to doing things that bring us happiness into our lives.

Positive emotions are also associated with greater physical health.

What can you do to become more positive? Here are some ideas:

• Think about what you are grateful for on a daily basis — you may want to consider journaling about this
• Savor the “small” things in life such as taking a walk in nature
• Connect with people — small talk is just fine
• Do an activity that in the past has brought you great joy

#2: Flow like a Costa Rican river during the rainy season

If you have been to Costa Rica during the rainy season (April-November) you know how hard it can rain and how a normally meandering river can suddenly turn into an endless flow of water.

The endless flow of a river can be compared to the sensation you feel when you are immersed in an activity that you enjoy and where you lose all sense of time.

This sensation has been described as “flow” by Dr. Michael Csikszentmihalyi and has been found to be positively associated with wellbeing.

Star athletes are often able to get in a state of flow or as it is sometimes described in the “zone”, but everyday people can also experience this sensation by engaging in activities and experiences that they find enjoyable and challenging.

You can’t get in “flow” just by snapping your fingers. What you can do is pick an activity that caters to your interests and personal strengths, but that still requires some mental focus.

The beauty of finding “flow” is in doing something challenging, but where you don’t even notice the mental or physical exertion required.

Experiencing flow allows you to feel renewed and re-invigorated.

Photo by Ardian Lumi on Unsplash

#3: Cozy up to the right posse

Having high-quality social connections is incredibly important for wellbeing.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development provides the most direct proof of the value of social connections. The study initially enrolled 724 men in 1932 from various socio-economic backgrounds. Every two years detailed interviews are conducted. 60 men from the original study are still living.

The key conclusion from the study is that good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Loneliness and living in conflict are killers.

Socio-economic differences do not alter the basic conclusion that to live a happy and healthy life social connections are extremely important.

Improving our social connections is about investing in people. Even in our busy lives, we can make time for connection. For example, you could:

• Set some time up this week (not next month) to meet a long-lost friend for coffee or a drink after work.
• Call one relative or friend every day to let them know you are thinking of them. Don’t chicken out by using email or text messaging. People want to hear your voice. Even 5 minutes will make a huge difference to somebody in need of human connection.
• Choose to be more conscious about listening rather than saying what’s on your mind. Let somebody else drive the agenda. Remember you are investing in the relationship.

#4: Close your eyes and imagine your own road to Shangri-La

Finding your own meaning and purpose in life is important.

• What brings you joy?
• What’s your ideal life?

Taking the time to think about what matters to you and why gives meaning and direction to your personal journey.

Meaning and purpose give us that sense of being part of something bigger than just our self.

We derive comfort from being part of something bigger be that religious faith, community, a social or environmental cause, or simply our own or extended family.

Research shows that having meaning in your life is among the most important determinants of joy and fulfillment.

How can you find meaning in life? Nobody is going to hand you a roadmap, so you will need to figure this out by yourself. Your meaning in life has to come from within.

You can start by taking an inventory of the values that you hold dear to your heart. Is it honesty, altruism, tolerance, dependability, humility, openness, spontaneity or something else? What values does the ideal “you” represent?

You can also take the time to think deeply about what really matters to you — your family, your faith, your work, your community, or a social cause such as eradicating global poverty. You pick, it’s your life.

One of the biggest regrets of the dying is not leading a life true to themselves. Are you?

Photo by Christoph Krichenbauer on Unsplash

#5: Keep on truckin until you run out of a road

Striving to accomplish something you consider important has intrinsic benefits regardless of how old or young you are.

Setting goals aligned with your values and working hard to accomplish those goals gives you a sense of control and gives you hope about the future.

Many people associate achievement with work but it need not be so restrictive. For example, worthy goals could revolve around a social cause or teaching skills to a broader audience.

Accomplishing individual goals makes people feel good about themselves.

Building a string of successful accomplishments builds confidence in one’s ability to overcome obstacles and is key to overall wellbeing.

If you are confused about how to set up goals you might consider the SMART framework. These are goals that are:

• Specific — you are clear in your head what you want the end result to be.
• Measurable — there are criteria by which to can measure your progress. If you can’t measure success or failure, you don’t have a well-defined goal.
• Actionable — progress always requires action. You want to focus on goals where your actions can make a difference.
• Realistic — the goal has a reasonable probability of happening if you know what to do and execute.
• Time-bound — there is an expectation as to when you will reach your goal. It could be long-term, or in the near term, but you must be clear about it.

#6: Eat, pray and love like Elizabeth Gilbert and prance around like Mick Jagger

You might have heard the saying that “your health is your wealth”. Or that without your health you got nothing. Clearly, such sayings contain lots of truth.

Physical and mental health are important aspects of enjoying life.

As individuals, we are born with a certain genetic makeup that we have to live with. Up to recently, most people believed that one could do very little to offset the good and bad of our genetic makeup.

Recent research has dispelled this notion. For example, in a study of over 13,000 Swedish twins heredity was only able to explain 30% of the differences in longevity. Other studies support the view that lifestyle choices are very important factors in determining overall health.

Lifestyle choices are under your control. Making the right choices in your environment, diet, exercise and mental stimulation can make a huge difference to your long-term health and wellbeing.

Your health is your wealth!

#7: Don’t worry about the weather in Kansas or for that matter Manila

All people like to feel like they are in control of their lives. But in reality, life often takes us on detours and expeditions that we never anticipated. Like the weather, many things are out of our control.

What we can control, however, is how we behave day in and day out and how we react to unforeseen events in our lives. We can elect to eat well, get enough sleep, exercise and not dwell on things we can’t control.

Understanding that much in life is random prepares all of us to deal with the unexpected by being resilient and savoring the good things that do happen to us.

According to Professor Sanja Lyubominsky, 50% of our general level of happiness is determined by our genes with an additional 10% accounted for by our life circumstances (how big our house is, our marital status, how much money we have, our job status, etc). The rest — 40% — is under our control.

You may not control all events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.

– Maya Angelou

Ruminating over stuff that you have no influence over is pointless. When bad things happen to you focus on what you change about the situation. If there is nothing you can do, accept it and learn from the experience.

Focusing on what we can control and doing the best that we can, gives us a sense of control over our lives and is associated with long-term wellness.

Photo by Luca Upper on Unsplash

You’ll never regret investing in yourself

Call me self-absorbed or selfish but anything that gives me more permanent joy and fulfillment is worth investing in. Not only am I better off but the people around me also benefit from the boost. Good feelings are after all contagious!

Do you want to continue drifting in life?

Or, do you want to take control?

Maybe up to know you have not understood what to do. You bought that promised life-altering online course, but the magic formula proved as elusive as getting a refund.

Time to try something different.

If you have learned anything in your time on earth is that seeking a life of joy and fulfillment won’t be all a bed of roses. It won’t just fall from the sky or be handed to you simply because of your ridiculously good looks.

It will take work of the right kind. Let the 7 research-proven behaviors be your guide.

Leading a life of joy and fulfillment is not a distant pipe dream that only a few on earth can aspire to.

Joy and fulfillment are within your grasp.

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You have watched the myriad of commercials depicting couples living happily ever after in retirement. Pictures of healthy looking retirees on a sailboat or couples holding hands while on a river cruise of the Danube River.

Fun and adventure all made possible by the gentle and skillful guidance of a friendly looking financial advisor. The implicit message is that for you to enjoy your retirement you need to have a large nest egg and the bigger the better.

What if you are nowhere near your “number”?

What if you don’t even know how much mula you need to live comfortably in retirement?

What if you are doomed to live a life of quiet desperation tucked away in some trailer park in Florida?

Or, maybe you could put your head down and save diligently. That could set you up for the next 30+ years of your life. Maybe, you could have a conversation with your spouse/partner about what you both want to do once retired.

These situations are everyday occurrences among the 10,000 Baby Boomers retiring every day in the US.

In a recent article in Forbes, Dr. Joseph Coughlin, head of the MIT AgeLab describes a conversation with a Lyft driver called Alex. It turns out that Alex and his wife, Lee, had been diligent savers and looked forward to the day they would both retire from their full-time jobs.

Their vision of retirement, however, turned out to be very different from reality.

According to Alex, the life they found waiting for them proved less exciting and rewarding than what they had anticipated. Something besides money was missing for Alex and Lee.

What you see is not always what you get

Many people assume that once they retire from their full-time career that they will automatically transition to a life of unbridled joy and happiness. All they need is enough money in the bank!

The financial industry equates money with happiness. The more money you have saved the better your life will be. The only problem you will have is not enough time to enjoy all the niceties in life.

Boat, beach house, Gucci loafers, golf memberships, Michelin-rated restaurants — all within your reach assuming you have the necessary mula.

Sounds enticing, right?

Unfortunately, this picture of retirement does not work for 99% of retirees.

It does not work,

• Because money is not unlimited for most people.
• Because, even if you have enough financial resources, research shows that money does not buy happiness.
• Because, while money can buy material things such as Red Ferraris, it can’t buy health, peace of mind, friends or a sense of meaning and purpose.

Money can’t buy what you crave

How many people on their death bed wish that they had invested in the Google or Amazon IPO’s?

Money can’t mend broken relationships with family and friends. Money can’t make those regrets floating in your head magically disappear.

Money does not make your problems go away. In fact, academic research shows that oftentimes more money is associated with higher levels of stress.

Even rappers know the truth!

“Mo Money, Mo Problems”

– Notorious B.I.G

When your day comes, it does not matter how rich or poor you are. All that matters is that you are surrounded by loved ones and that you are at peace.

Money is only as good as what you do with it

Just having money laying around will not do anything for your happiness. Otherwise being a Colombian drug lord counting rolls of $100 bills would be a perfect side gig in retirement (despite the legal peril).

You would think that having money would be great. And it is, but only when used in the right way.

Having money can buy lots of material goods. It can buy you a bigger house, better medical treatment, better nutrition, and more exotic vacations. But not happiness as happiness is not for sale.

It is easy to squander money in ways that don’t give us any lasting satisfaction, but isn’t the whole point of working hard and making money to be happier?

Having money is not the problem.

The problem is how we spend it and how we ignore other areas of our lives.

Spending money on happiness is a skill not often honed

There has been lots of research in psychology on the link between money and happiness. In general, the relationship is surprisingly weak especially as people move up into more affluent income brackets.

Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman has found that beyond an income of $75,000 more money does not translate into more well-being.

While the tipping point may vary with cost of living conditions, beyond a certain income level, people’s happiness is not heavily influenced by money.

Some recent research in positive psychology by Dunn, Gilbert and Wilson offers suggestions for how to spend money in particular ways that will likely lead to more happiness.

Some of the more practical suggestions include:

• Buying more life experiences rather than material goods — the key reason for this is that our brains tend to value experiences more than material possessions. Research has shown that humans have a great ability to adapt quickly to new things. This is called hedonic adaption and applies more strongly to material possessions rather than experiences.
• Helping others instead of just doing things for yourself — humans are social creatures whose brains benefit not only from socialization but also from being part of something bigger than oneself. Useful activities for retirees include volunteering and mentoring. Psychologists call this the “helpers high”.
• Focusing on smaller and more frequent pleasures rather than one-time extravaganzas — research shows that happiness is more influenced by the frequency as opposed to the intensity of positive experiences. Sure, getting that new sports car feels great at the moment, but after a while, the novelty wears off. Enjoying a daily nature walk with your spouse/partner on the other hand never gets old. People that are able to derive satisfaction from the simple things in life tend to be happier.

Your time is happiness in the bank

Yet another set of suggestions comes from psychology researchers Aaker and Rudd, these focused on how you spend your time.

• Spending time with the right people — happiness is typically a group sport. People with long-standing social relationships have been shown to be happier than people lacking social connections. The quality of the connection is more important than the number of connections.
• Spending time on the right activities — activities involving other people such as dancing, going out to dinner with friends, and taking a yoga class leads to higher wellness compared to activities done alone.
• Gaining quality time by focusing only on what is essential and outsourcing the rest — even people in retirement can fill their days with “busy” work. But are they busy with the right activities? Greg McKeown in his book “Essentialism” suggests eliminating everything that is not essential and focusing one’s time on activities that are truly important. The rest eliminate or outsource. Spend your time wisely and you will increase your happiness.

There are other important things besides just money

Our focus on money matters blinds us to the need to plan for our non-financial lives.

Many people approach retirement with the idea that if there is enough money in the kitty then everything else is going to fall in place.

But is it smart to leave the other aspects of your life to chance? After all, many of today’s retirees could be spending 8,000 days in retirement according to Dr. Joseph Coughlin of the MIT AgeLab.

The transition from full-time work to retirement is fraught with difficulty for most people. Sure there is usually a short honeymoon period, but soon after indecision and anxiety rear their ugly head.

To be happy, humans need a sense of meaning and purpose.

To just be wandering around in life leads to wherever the wind is blowing.

• Is that where you want to end up?
• Do you still have some dreams and goals that you want to pursue?
• What truly matters to you?

Maybe you want to give back to your community. Maybe you want to take care of your grandchildren and share your values with them. Maybe you want to move abroad and learn a new language and culture. Maybe you want to start a small business tied to something you are passionate about.

People want to feel fulfilled in their lives. To know that their presence on earth meant something to the people they came in touch with. That they lived according to their deepest-held values.

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony”

– Mahatma Gandhi

You still need to drive to your destination

Your meaning and purpose act as your destination in life. But knowing your destination and having enough money to fuel your journey is not enough.

You also need to be healthy — physically and emotionally. Your body, mind, and spirit are all connected. Sure your body will age but your mind and spirit can elevate you even during the most trying times.

Good lifestyle habits and feeding your brain with stimulation lead to greater life satisfaction.

You may also want some friends and family along for the ride to keep you company during the good and bad times. Your social connections in life matter a lot! Cultivate your friendships and stay close to your family. You will eventually need them.

What you do during your long journey is also important. Focus on activities that give you enjoyment and pleasure. The key is doing, not just planning to do. Maybe you want to hone your music skills, work-part-time to share your experience, or tend to your vegetable patch. Just watching TV all day does not count.

And don’t forget that what you see along the way can also give you great satisfaction in your journey. It is not just getting to your destination that matters, but also how you get there.

There are always different paths to your destination. Choose the route whose surroundings are most closely aligned with your values and what you are trying to accomplish in life.

Your environment and lifestyle play a huge role in getting you to your destination. Good intentions are no match to a poor environment according to Stanford psychologist BJ Fogg.

Your money does not determine your fate

Giving money the power to shape your life is an easy way out. You know that designing the life you want is up to you and you only.

Sure, money can be a hurdle just like not having Gisele Bundchen’s or Brad Pitt’s looks. Very few hurdles in life can’t be overcome if you put your mind to it.

Sure money is necessary for living, but beyond a certain amount required for living focusing on other areas of your life will yield bigger pickups in happiness than adding another couple of winning trades to your 401(k).

Your happiness is about balance and congruence.

• Balancing all important aspects of your life — health, mindset, social, finances, your activities, and lifestyle in general.
• And making sure that all aspects of your life are in sync with each other.

Start with figuring out what you want out of your life and why it matters to you. You might want to visualize like Stephen Covey did what your 80th birthday party might look like — who would attend, what they would say, the music, the general vibe of the party, etc.

Once you know what matters to you and why the rest is execution.

As Tony Robbins likes to say “there are a million ways to get things done”. You just have to commit to action and following your path.

Will you get to the finish line of life with a smile on your face and a sense of fulfillment?

You may not get everything you wish for in life, but isn’t trying better than not trying?

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